Not so long ago, MLB “photo day” at spring training — that hootenanny of posed portraits undertaken on pain of discipline — unfurled before us. We know this because we’ve already laid unworthy, rheumy eyes upon Colby Rasmus’
since fallen beard
that shall forevermore be known as “The Very Reverend Butter-Churner.” Since this fine evening also occasions the Academy Awards, which honors the finest in community dinner theater, we’ll hop aboard that particular SEO log flume while also venturing through the recesses of photo day. That is, we’re here to give out awards for pretty pictures. Come with us won’t you? All images via USATSI … 

Best “anonymously revealing to the Channel 6 I-Team what’s really going on at the county assessor’s office”: Michael Brantley, Indians

Most “disappointed in you because you got suspended from school for fighting but also sort of proud”: Jason Motte, Rockies

Best senior portrait: Yasiel Puig, Dodgers

Josh Martin’s mom’s most favorite photo, probably: Josh Martin, Indians

Mostly likely to corroborate anonymously Michael Brantley’s claims to the Channel 6 I-Team regarding the county assessor’s office: Eric Thames, Brewers

Best “almost forgot about Photo Day because he fell asleep on a sandbar after tubing”: Jack Murphy, Dodgers

Most surprised by reality of being Dan Jennings: Dan Jennings, White Sox

Best performance by an orifice: Jeremy Jeffress, Rangers

Best smile suggestive of a long con in progress: Chase Utley, Dodgers

Most unhappy with you personally: Domingo Santana, Brewers

Least enthusiastic use of props: Blake Swihart, Red Sox

Most likely to pitch from the stretch, possibly in a men’s room: Hector Rondon, Cubs

Thank you, people of baseball, for joining us for whatever this has been. 

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